Real Talk | Tossed Salad and Scrambled Eggs
Hey there! Happy Humper, you fabulous Freaknasties! I know we usually do 'Real Talk' on Tuesdays, but that didn't happen, so here we are on a Wednesday playing catch up.
I called this post Tossed Salad and Scrambled Eggs, because that's how I've been feeling the last 5-6 days or so. No, not like Kelsey Grammer, I still speak to my children, but like a bit of a scattered mess. I got so married to my schedule these past couple of months, that having it not go exactly by the book has jumbled me up a bit and affected my focus. I'm even cranky and moody for really no reason. I'm just one of those people who can't deal with disorganization emotionally. Thinking about the suitcase open on my bedroom floor with the basket of clean laundry next to it upsets me.
I know, I'm fucking nuts. But we're working on that.
A late night out Friday, a trip to Chicago, a late night Sunday, a stressful Monday and Tuesday, and here I am on Wednesday staring at my computer screen having a ton of things I can write about and not wanting to write anything at the same time. Then I get sucked into that guilt vortex of knowing that something needs to get done, being frustrated with myself for not sticking to my schedule and getting enough rest, dealing with frustrated readers messaging me because I'm not giving my daily dose of trainwreck on the media socials, blah, blah, blah.
I think it's growing pains, actually. I recorded two podcasts last week and didn't air them, because I hated them. I feel like things are gaining momentum and I have a clearer idea of how I need to evolve, so I'd rather go with my gut and post what feels right instead of just throwing content up because the calendar says it's Thursday and podcasts happen on Thursdays. I mean, this is a job I love, not a hobby, and I wouldn't postpone a client's project because I wasn't feeling it, so it puts me in this weird space and then I just navel gaze until I snap out of it.
And did I tell you the basket of laundry in my bedroom ruins my day? I literally just cringed thinking about it.
Traveling seems to be a core issue with all of this. It disorganizes me and then creates a snowball effect across my whole entire life. Laundry piles up, dog hair sits in corners, dishes don't get washed... basically everything I do on Sundays to keep myself organized and less neurotic doesn't happen. So since my travel is kicking back up to where it was now, I really need to come up with a solution so I don't slip into the cycle of barely managed chaos again. Here I've done all of this work, and the second I travel, it starts to come undone again.
I'm trying not to be neurotic about it. Stop laughing, I SO TOTALLY AM. Last night, I went to bed early to catch up on some much needed sleep, and here I am writing a post that probably doesn't make any sense so I can get the momentum going again. Tonight, I'll go home and clean house to get myself organized. There's just something about clutter that wrecks my psyche. Is that weird? Does that make me a completely neurotic mess?
After I clean house, I'll do some Kundalini Yoga, outline a bit, and get back on my regular schedule. Between now and next weekend when I travel again, I'll come up with some solutions to try. I really think it's going to have to come down to being strict the Friday before and the Sunday I get home. Save the late nights out, as mild and mundane as they are, for when I'm home.
How funny is that, though? I am literally a toddler.
Oh well, at least I'm a self-aware toddler.
Do you ever have those periods of tossed salad and scrambled eggs? Just a handful of days you can't get your motor running or your shit together? How do you get back on track? I am open to any and all ideas.
Well, at least I wrote this post and have a plan to get back on track. Last time this lasted from what... May through October? I guess I'll take five days over five months. Progress!