Lunar Eclipses and Morning Hotdogs

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Mes amies! Bonjour! Jennifer Gulbrandsen reporting to you live from smack dab in the middle of hump day. I am elated because not only is it David Hasselhoff’s birthday, my best friend’s birthday, Prime Day orders have started arrive AND national hot dog day… there’s also a lot of spooky lunar eclipse energy in the air. Because I am a Cancer with Capricorn rising, I am FEELING it. I have had bananas dreams since the weekend, which is totally weird because I don’t typically dream in a way that I am shook… but these last few days? I have been SHOOKETH.

This lunar eclipse is happening during the Buck Moon, and it’s a really heavy one all about releasing the things that no longer serve us; learning the lesson and moving on. We are ending one thing and starting another simultaneously. I am here for all of this juju. Bring it. If you love astrology beyond just your horoscope, check out my favorite Chani Nicholas. She also does playlists based on zodiac signs on Spotify and they are amazing.

I’m going to go ahead and blame all of this energy as the reason I shotgunned a hot dog and fries at 10:30am this morning. I had to have a chuckle as I walked to the hot dog place, because today is Louis’s birthday, and one of the single funniest moments I have had over the years happened on his first trip to Chicago with me and his first Chicago style hot dog experience.

We Chicagoans take the hot dog very seriously. There is only ONE acceptable way to eat it. Mustard, pickle, onion, tomato, and sport peppers on a poppy seed bun. We are allowed to perform honor killings if we see you put ketchup on it. You can literally bathe it in the blood of a kitten before putting ketchup on a hot dog in this city. It’s that serious.

Well, one day, I introduced this manna of the gods to my bestie, and he asked the vendor if she had any ketchup. There were audible gasps from the crowd around us. I am not at all exaggerating. Mothers wept. I literally walked away and pretended not to know him. He stood there absolutely dumbfounded as the vendor just stared at him and he was like, “WHAT. THERE IS TOO MUCH ACID HERE I NEED KETCHUP.”

I finally had to claim him and explain to the vendor that he is from Atlanta and simply doesn’t know our customs. Please give him ketchup. His feelings are hurt.

To this DAY he gets irrationally angry about Chicago style hot dogs. “SO MUCH ACID, IT NEEDS KETCHUP WHAT IS IT WITH YOU PEOPLE AND YOUR OBSESSION WITH MUSTARD.”

Why do people in the South eat fried chicken for breakfast?

We shall duel at dusk.

So I think it’s funny that Louis has to share his day with his culinary nemesis.

Today is also Camilla, Duchess of Cornwall’s birthday, and this is my moment each year where I declare my undying love for her. I freaking ADORE Camilla. I know it is an unpopular opinion to have because of the cult of Diana, but I just think she’s a down ass broad who played the long game for her true love. Diana was being all dramatic and courting the press as a long suffering victim, and my girl Camilla let her have the spotlight and took her lumps. Even when Diana died, she was classy about it when she married Charles almost ten years later. People are human and do human shit, but love is love. She also patrons some really powerful charities and initiatives that empower women and aren’t glamorous. I love me a low key dame who just lets all of the crazies buzz around her, and at the end of the day has the last laugh as she takes a drag on her cigarette, sips her evening nightcap, and sleeps next to her true love. She is the patron saint of the long game. I bend the knee to thee.

WE STAN QUEEN CAMILLA

WE STAN QUEEN CAMILLA

in other good news of the day, my Prime Day shipments have started arriving. My new kicks and laptop bag are SO CUTE omg. I am so excited about working over the weekend just so I can wear these shoes. Crippling exhaustion be damed… They cute.

I know we’re all supposed to be woke social justice warriors and protest the awful Amazon warehouse working conditions by abstaining from Prime Day… but…. but….

I’m a capitalist pig who will do anything for deep discounts. I’m sorry.

In the other riveting news of the day… let’s talk about my ongoing hair saga. Yesterday was the worst hair day of my life. I walked into the office looking like a White Snake groupie circa 1987 had a shower turned on them to wake up after a rough night of sleeping in the bathtub. It was so bad, I had to tie it back with an office rubber band. You ladies know what I am talking about. A total act of desperation.

After work I went to Mario Tricoci nearly in tears and I was like, “Please fix. Halp.” Cut it all off… glue horse hair to it… order me a wig… figure SOMETHING out.

I got a trim and a keratin treatment. It’s a lot better today, but it’s still on the crunchy side even though it’s literally a bajillion degrees and 100% humidity outside. You’d think it would look fabulous like it does in Georgia, but nope. It’s still a coarse, curly, fine textured mess sitting atop my head, slightly more controlled than usual.

We’re getting there as far as finding a solution, but I might lose it and take a flame thrower to my head before it’s all said and done.

My skin on the other hand, has gotten with the program, so I got that going for me. Now if it could just give my hair the memo, we’d be in business. I’m teaching a seminar on August 8th that is being filmed, and I’d like to not look like one of the orphans in Annie.

I guess that’s all I’ve got for today. Tonight I’m doing a special podcast about ‘Mon Amie Celeste’ and tomorrow I’m hoping to post the preview of that project. Definitely Friday at the latest.

Stay cool out there!

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Jennifer Gulbrandsen