So I Did a Six-Clove Garlic Detox...
Hey there, sportsfans, I did something super fun and exciting Friday night and I wanted to tell you all about it!
Lol/jk, no I didn't. This is me we're talking about here. Last Friday we were supposed to get like 2 inches of snow in Atlanta which meant you couldn't leave the house until you got the all clear that venturing outdoors wouldn't mean your imminent death. So I set out for something to do, and in my meandering around these here interwebs, I discovered something fun called a 6-clove garlic detox. Since I am all about that detox life this January, I decided there was nothing better for me to do locked in my house all weekend, and so why not? Thanks to Blue Apron and Hello Fresh, I have a plethora of garlic bulbs rotting in my kitchen, because those companies want to make you feel better about wasting $60 on a hamburger patty, so they send you a bajillion garlic cloves in the box to make you feel chef-y and fancy, and keep vampires away, I guess.
If you want to read all about the healthy benefits of this detox, read this article. It's supposed to cleanse you and make you immortal or something. And truth be told, garlic is really good for you and has a ton of healthy benefits, I'm not being a brutal hater, I just don't want to blather on about antioxidant properties at a cellular level. Let someone else do that.
Got your garlic? Good. Now lop the head off that thing, drizzle it with olive oil, season it however you'd like, cover it in foil, and roast it in the oven at 425 degrees for 20 minutes. Oh yeah, make sure it's totally peeled before you roast it so you don't set your house on fire. That would be bad.
The garlic will caramelize, and it will be tasty. I loved it. For whatever reason, the article I referenced here says to stop at six cloves. I'm not sure what happens if you eat seven, maybe you turn into a gremlin. And if you're the kind of person garlic sticks to as a scent, you may want to do this when you're alone because you will stink, and it won't matter how detoxified you are, no one will want to be around you.
So I ate the garlic and nothing happened the first night, except the dogs totally avoiding me because I smelled like a gyro stand.
The next day, however, something DID happen. I can't say for sure if this was just a coincidental thing, or if the garlic had anything to do with this. I will hypothesize that the garlic did have something to do with it, because I have only ever had this reaction to a chiropractic adjustment.
Early Saturday afternoon, my body just noped right the hell out on me. I hadn't done anything bu pad around the house sipping coffee in ugly pajamas while Atlanta dealt with being covered in a layer of ice. Around noon I got extremely cold. Painfully cold, really. Blankets and layers weren't helping, so I drew a hot bath and soaked for about half an hour. After that overwhelming exhaustion took over and I needed to nap immediately. I never nap. If I'm napping, something is wrong.
I wound up sleeping for almost four hours. I got up for a couple of hours to do some things around the house and take care of the dogs, but soon I was right back in bed and asleep, and I would then sleep a full nine hours. Again, something that never, ever happens. Like I said, this has only happened to me one other time, and that was when I was adjusted by a chiropractor for the first time.
Overwhelming releasing of toxins? Perhaps. I have no idea what caused it and why, but nothing about my life was different except the garlic detox the night before.
Since then, I haven't had any effects except gas. Really, really bad, peel the paint off the walls, gas. Again, maybe my insides consisted of the stench of death that is leaving my body. Better out than in, I say. My sleep hygiene is also tons better since I did this. I've been working on my sleep for a few weeks, so it might just be the natural progression of things, but I definitely fall asleep faster and stay asleep longer since last Friday night.
So that's my experience on the garlic detox. Will I do it again? Probably the next time I get a box of food on dry ice delivered full of garlic cloves. It will be interesting to see if I have a different experience the next time around.